


Broken Bars

by Feran_Sensei



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Also Spock has feelings too so don't be mean, Angst, Bones is mad as always, Cute, Episode: s02e14 Bread and Circuses, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, M/M, One Shot, and Spock is being sassy again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 21:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9567986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feran_Sensei/pseuds/Feran_Sensei
Summary: He took Jim; they've been shoved back into their cage.Leonard isn't sure how much time they have left before they're forced back into the arena so, while he still has time, he has something to confess.(takes place during the Bread and Circuses episode when Spock and Leonard are in the cell alone)





	

They had been thrown back into their cells, locked away like cattle and treated like the myriad of other slaves whose carved remnants echoed throughout the stone and between the steel bars; memories of the people who'd been locked up here and left to rot until they were needed as fodder for the games lingered almost like some putrid scent. All of that life wasted, only to be ended by the tip of a bloodstained sword for the entertainment of sick, twisted minds; McCoy did not want to die here but, the longer he stayed, the quicker his hope for ever getting out faded.

They were separated from Jim. That alone was enough to set his nerves on fire and almost erase his will to fight for freedom because what if they had killed him? What if he were already dead? They would be sure to follow soon after which, somehow, seemed more appealing to Leonard than this.

Jim was the only family he had left--the crew of the _Enterprise_ was one large dysfunctionally functioning family and Jim was the only one who could even manage to keep such a mess going; the Captain always joked that he was married to his ship but, in a way, he truly was. He fathered the crew, the ship--it's mother, Spock and McCoy: the bickering children. Leonard didn't know if he could bare witnessing the death of another father, helpless to save him as he slipped from his grasp, just beyond fingertip reach.

But what was he to do? The battle left him drained, his mental capacity buckling under the strain of keeping his body awake, but he dared not sleep for the fear of missing an opportunity that he himself was not even sure was worth waiting for. His thoughts were a trainwreck of fears and uncertainties, so he gave up trying to think and sat contently on the pile of stacked prison mattresses, one knee pulled up and cradled in both arms against his chest, the smells of mildew and the twinge of decay mingling with the stale air and making his nose feel almost numb. The traces of a smile ghosted over his chapped lips as the thought occurred to him:

_Just another way of dulling the senses._

How long, he thought, would he be sane enough to witness himself become numb to all feeling? Funny, how he longed for such a sensation--the emptiness of becoming numb--at the passing of his father; it was something Spock had--that jaded ability to switch off emotion--and he'd mocked him for it. It was jealousy, in part, that forced his hand but now that it was being offered to him on a silver platter, he was hesitant to take it, practically afraid. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

The sounds of Spock shuffling to stand for yet another time stirred him from his thoughts. He watched as the Vulcan--clad in the same grey uniform pants, black boots, and tattered rainy coloured top--made his way to the cell door and gripped the bars tightly, only standing there for a moment as if charging his momentum. Then he pulled, hard and relentless, until McCoy could hear the strained rubbing of raw hands against lead beams; but, even with his immense Vulcan strength, the bars did not slink back in fear. Another quick yank then the exasperated shake of the door as if in attempt to insult the thing. McCoy smirked.

"Angry, Mr. Spock? Or frustrated perhaps?" There was no malice in the words, only a half-hearted need to keep their long relationship of poking fun untainted. In truth, Leonard was worried. The Vulcan kept getting up and down, making him nervous with every huffed breath and scuff of shoe on the stone--it was impossible to try to talk to him like that, and there was something he needed to say.

"Such emotions are foreign to me, Doctor." He did not turn to look at McCoy, only continued examining the door as if it were his three dimensional chess; he was locked in check and he just needed the right--the _logical_ \--move to get them out of this. "I was merely testing the strength of the door."

Only, he couldn't see that he was already in checkmate.

McCoy chuckled hollowly under his breath, his smile dulling to nothing more than a faded smirk, "For the fifteenth time."

It was silent again and the same, anxious worrying was creeping back in; it made Leonard's heart ache from the exertion of trying to keep it out. He watched Spock as he squatted by the wall of the cell, examining and running his fingers along the crease between the charcoal metal and the concrete walls, a look of nonchalance plastered on his face, but Leonard knew that wasn't the case. Spock was a lidded pot of boiling intensities and one misstep would cause him to blow his top.

So maybe now it would be a good time to thank him; perhaps doing so would throw a sense of togetherness out into the open and calm Spock down, even if just a bit--It was worth a shot. He stood slowly, debating in his mind whether or not he really wanted to, asking himself if it was _really_ the fact that Spock saved his life that made him want to thank him, but he already knew that it wasn't.

Life be damned, Leonard had other things on his mind. Sure, he was grateful that he was still alive but his sense of meaning was fleeting and there were just some things that needed to be said, like, _"Dammit, Spock, I pick on you because I'm horrible with people and, even if I don't have the courage to start a normal conversation, I just want to have an excuse to hear your voice."_ Or, _"You know, Spock, you're so damn perfect no matter what you do--even when you're making mistakes. It really pisses me off, you know that?"_ And, _"Despite that, though, It's okay if you show your emotions Spock; no matter what you are or how angry you make me, I'll love you all the same."_

That's right: _I'll love you._

"Spock," Leonard began, his voice less confident than he would have hoped. He walked towards the Vulcan who was still occupied by the gate, and stood next to him, staring at the ground and gripping a bar in an attempt to still his rapid heartbeat. He was sure Spock could hear it; he felt as though he had lost his colour, "S-Spock, uhh," He tried again, the shakiness of his voice embarrassingly obvious.

_Breathe_ , his mind said but his lungs refused to comply normally.

"I know we've had our, uhh, disagreements..." He kept his gaze low, afraid to raise his eyes but thanked God that Spock was only paying half attention, even despite the fact that he would have preferred it all for something so serious. "Uhh, maybe they're jokes, I dunno. As Jim always says, we're not often sure ourselves sometimes," he chuckled nervously, "But, what I'm trying to say is--"

_I love you._

"Doctor," McCoy jumped slightly at Spock's sudden interjection, snapping his head up to stare into the frustrated, piercing brown eyes that peered into his own blue ones, "I am seeking a means of escape, will you please be brief?" Leonard's throat clenched up at Spock's words, but he forced himself to smile and continue.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is," and he decided, "You saved my life in the arena." And he smiled and held his head high in show of gratitude, trying desperately not to let his true motives show. Spock only stared for a moment, then quirked his head and raised a brow.

"Yes, " He said, and Leonard's heart sank, "That is quite true." As if he had stated a fact just for the hell of it. Leonard furrowed his brow, his sudden flash of anger at the Vulcan's insufferability the only thing keeping him from noticing the slight sting in his eyes.

"I'm trying to thank you, you pointed eared hobgoblin!" Sometimes he really didn't understand why he did this to himself. Spock could never love him back, even if he were to confess as much. It were times like these that it really showed.

Even so, Leonard wasn't prepared for Spock's response.

"Oh, yes," The syllables flowed from his mouth, drenched in a venomous sarcasm that Leonard wouldn't have thought Spock to be capable of, "You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. _'You're welcome,'_ I believe is the correct response." Leonard's blood was on a burner set to high, the infuriation and frustration and fear all building up within his chest as Spock brushed passed him to examine the hinges on the door, as if he weren't even there.

And Spock just couldn't leave it alone.

"However, Doctor, you must remember that I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon--whatever I think of his relative skill--would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the _Enterprise_ and therfo--" And Leonard grabbed him, shoved him hard against the wall as they crouched, not sure why only knowing that, right then, he wanting to demeanor, to insult, to _hurt_. And that's exactly what he was going to do.

Leonard was nothing more to Spock than a tool of the _Enterprise_ : something to keep functional in order to keep the ship running. Leonard at least thought that they were friends, but Spock seemed to think otherwise.

"Do you know why you're not _afraid_ _to_ _die_ , Spock?" A clip of silence, but Leonard did not let him speak, "It's because you're more _afraid_ of _living."_ Spock was rendered speechless, staring at him with cold, calculating, almost offended eyes.

But that was impossible, of course. The damned Vulcan was nothing more than an empty shell: a machine incapable of emotion. Leonard was a fool to ever think otherwise.

"Each day you _stay alive_ is just one more day you might _slip_ and let your  _human_ half _peek out."_ Spock turned his head, averting his gaze away from Leonard which caused an egotistical, almost evil smirk to play at the Doctor's lips, but his heart continued to race, this time from uncertainty. Still, though, he continued his assault, "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity." Spock gripped the metal bar harder, keeping his gaze focused and forward on something that Leonard couldn't see.

He wasn't going to hold back now.

"Why, you wouldn't know _what to do_ with a genuine, warm, _decent_ feeling." It was a serpentine hiss, his eyes narrowed, watching the Vulcan soak it all in, ready to watch him break.

But Spock paused, raised a brow, then turned to stare Leonard in the eyes the way he did when he knew he had the evidence to prove him wrong, "Really, Doctor?" And Leonard never thought he could regret something so fast in his entire life.

Spock looked weary now that his angry front had seemed to be penetrated by Leonard's harsh words. Despite his air of arrogance, Spock was in the same condition as Leonard: just as tired and just as helpless.

Just as worried; Just as _afraid._

"But I suppose you're right," He sighed. It was now Spock's turn to avert his gaze to the floor--an act so uncharacteristic of the Vulcan that it frightened Leonard, "I don't know what to do with a genuine, warm feeling."

"N-No, Spock. I-I was upset and harsh. I didn't mean what I--"

"I have no clue what to do with my love for you." Leonard froze. All of the blood in his body seemed to rush from his head into his toes and he found himself dizzy. His ears were ringing and his heart seemed to stop beating.

"W-What?" He whispered, not sure if he trusted what he heard. Spock's russet eyes, full of an emotion Leonard had only ever seen in movies, turned and stared intensely into his soul. Locked on and full of illogical intent, he did not budge and Leonard wasn't sure if this was real.

"I love you, Leonard." His deep voice cut through the turmoil in his brain but still he could not believe that this was something other than a dream. He shook his head ever so slightly, his eyes wide, mouth just barely hanging open. Spock turned suddenly to fully face him, grabbing his wrists and holding them still as he leaned closer, his eyes peering deeper. An energy was flowing into him from where Spock touched, the feeling of the Vulcan's mind lingering on the edge of his own and, even though he was afraid, he suddenly felt safe, knowing that Spock would not enter unless permitted; he was waiting for Leonard's approval.

But all he could do was shake his head, tears welling up in his eyes and he felt so damn pathetic.

"I love you," Spock said again, leaning closer until their foreheads touched. Leonard closed his eyes, his mind too hazy, this all seeming so surreal, "I love you. _I love you."_

He could feel Spock's hands on either side of his face, his thumbs brushing away stray tears as they both closed their eyes, the feeling of Spock's presence engulfing his thoughts, the feelings and emotions: anger, fear, regret, insecurity, _love_ \--It was all so overwhelmingly real.

"Me too, Spock. My god, I love you so much it hurts." He threw his arms around Spock's neck and pulled the Vulcan to his lips, the action not at all unexpected to Spock and soon McCoy was lost by the feeling of his mouth on his own; soft lips caressed his chapped ones.

Time slowed, their heartbeats _thumping_ in sync and somehow, suddenly, nothing else seemed to matter.


End file.
